Getting through the storms of life.

     What to do while in the storms of life?  There are many struggles we may experience in life.   I only know one way to get through struggles.  God!  I don't know any thing else that works consistently.  As a believer there are certain things we can count on.  God knows.  He knows our ups and he know our downs.  Every season we experience is allowed by him.  From the highs of celebrations to the lows of loss, God is very present.  Nothing ever catches him off guard or shocks him.  God knew we would get fired from our job before we were hired for that position.  He knew our spouse would leave us before we said I do.  God knew that sickness would try to consume us before we were a sparkle in our mothers eyes.  God knew.  When he spoke the existence of the Heavens and Earth, HE KNEW.

     Calamity will throw us for a minute.  We experience storms that will RAGE and make us feel we will be consumed by the turmoil.  Sometimes we wish we were consumed.  I can be honest and say there were times that I not only thought I would lose my mind, I prayed that God would allow me to lose it.  Why?  Because the reality of my situation was too much for me to handle.  I no longer wanted to experience or understand what was trying to consume me.  The situation seemed so dark that I was beyond believing God could fix it for me.  I didn't want to know that he could fix it.  I just wanted the storm to be over.  But, we can't lose ourselves in the storm.

   God  has a way of supernaturally fixing situations, strengthening us to go through or anointing us to create our way of escape.   There are 3 testimonies that help me get through the storm.

     God anointed Noah to create his way of escape.  Noah had to take a leap of faith and trust God.  No man had ever created a boat the size of the ark.  It had never rained the way God told Noah it would.  God anointed Noah to create an object that would save his life, his families life, a flock of various animals and continue the existence of man kind.  What a great responsibility and weight to be placed on one man.  When others mocked him, he continued with the belief that God will get him through this situation and he will be better than he was before.

     God parted the red sea and moved the obstacle out of Moses and the children of Israels way.  This was a scary situation for them.  But, the believed God and knew he had a blessing on the other end of this obstacle.  We all experience situations that seem to be completely blocking our vision.  We can't see past it and there is no way around it.  God can allow us to walk right through the situation that is keeping us from our destiny.   If we continue walking straight and pressing through, we will end up victoriously on the other side of the obstacle. 

     Now what about those dead things in your life.  There is no doubt in your mind that it is over and done.  It is dead.  There is nothing anyone can do.  This could be a horrible marriage, a child that won't behave or a loved one that refuses to live right.  God was able to raise Lazarus from the dead after he had been dead for 4 days.  Everyone had already given up and knew it was over.  Until Jesus spoke a word.  That was all he had to do.  He didn't wrestle with Lazarus.  He didn't yell.  Lazarus was brought back to life because Jesus believed it was possible.  

     In 2014, God has not changed.  He is still able to handle every situation that is going on in our life.  The solution to each of these situations is they believed.  In each situation there was someone that believed it was possible. Surround yourself with people that believe.  Find scriptures that speak to your situation and post it around your house.  Listen to music that encourages you.  Get active.  Don't just sit around the house.  An idle mind IS the devils playground.  Believe God and be willing to stand on his word and his promise to bless you.  What ever your situation is that you are struggling with, just believe that God is able and WILL fix it for  you.

How to remain happy when surrounded by negative people?

     How to remain happy when surrounded by negative people?  I am laughing as I type this because it is impossible and self explanatory.  That's like asking "How can I sit in a burning house without getting burned?"  lol  You would never sit in a house that was on fire.  You wouldn't spend time trying to figure out how to keep from getting burned while the walls and everything around you are consumed in flames.   Your common sense would make you run out the door, climb out a window, find or create the nearest exit.  You would do everything you could to get out of that house.  If you couldn't find and exit, you would do your best to create an exit.  Why?  Because you don't want to get burned!

     Why are we so passive with our joy and happiness?  Why aren't we anxiously creating an exit from misery as though our life depended on it?  Your life does depend on it.  Worry, stress, anger, depression, fear, etc., will consume your life like the flames of a burning house.  The same way you would come up with a way to get away from flames, we need to purposely come up with ways for us to be and remain happy.

     Let's address the most obvious pain you can inflict on yourself.  Negative people.  Those flames that have the nerve to throw gasoline on you.  They are consumed with negativity.  They spread gossip and rumors.  Never able to find a positive thing to say or believe about anyone or anything.   Or maybe they are filled with ratched drama.  There is always something about to "pop off"  or someone always "got them messed up". They drain and suck every ounce of happiness you had out of you.  Don't allow others to keep you from being happy.  No one should have that power over you.  Nothing you have said or done has ever made them happy.  Guess what,  nothing you ever say or do will every make them happy.

     Get away from Negative people.  Remember they are flames!  Run like your life depended on it.    I have a good and bad gift of deleting people.  It is good because I can easily delete flames that are trying to consume me.  They don't exist in my world.  Not that I am better than them or anything like that.  But, there is a time and a place for open flames.  Open flames are not allowed in my day to day life.  They are not allowed in my circle of joy.  Why?  BECAUSE IT IS A FLAME!!!  No good will come from bringing an uncontrolled fire to the party.  You don't have to be rude to them and completely cut them off.  You can start by distancing yourself from them.   Eventually the distance will grow until they are just a memory.

     Surround yourself with like minded people.  People that are going in the same direction you are going.  People that uplift and encourage you to be the best you can be.  Happy people have a way of making you feel better about your life. They have storms and obstacles just like everyone else.  But,  they can find the silver lining in everything. They look for God and answers in the midst of the storm.  They are like fire extinguishers.  A fire will break out and they know how to extinguish the flames to where everyone walks away unharmed.  These are the people you want in your life.  Your positive energy will bounce off of each other and create and pleasant environment for others to be in.

    Stop watching angry t.v.  We all have a guilty pleasure.  Mine was ratched tv.  Love and Hip Hop did it for me.  This was extra special to me because I am from New York.  So watching it kind of made me feel like home.  But, it was a no-no.  You are what you consume.  This isn't just applied to food.  If you are feeding yourself with angry, violent people then you will become an angry, violent person.  You will begin to respond as mean and hateful as the people you are consuming on tv.  I had to check myself one day after watching Peter Gunz, Tara and Amina explode in the studio.  My hubby made a comment and my reaction was not very sweet and loving.  I had to repent and reevaluate what I was feeding myself.  The list of ratched tv I used to watch used to be longer, but, I've had to wean myself from it.  If they are fighting, cussing and doing things I would kill my daughters for doing,  I CAN'T WATCH IT.  Why?  In the words of Mary J  "All I really want, is to be happy."  Feed yourself what you want to be.  Yes, we can have a junk food here and there.  But, only a dose here and a dose there.  Do not consume your life with nothing but junk food.

       Happiness is a choice.  You have to choose to be happy.  Yes we all experience situations in our life that will bring us down.  There are many obstacles and trials on this roller coaster of life. EVERYONE has a situation in their life that could make them fall into a deep suicidal depression.   But, YOU determine how situations affect your joy.   What makes you happy?  Do those things that make you happy.  If reading in the park makes you happy, schedule time for you to go to the park and read a book.  Cooking makes you happy?  Then cook a meal and invite your happy friends over.  If you are not sure what makes you happy, test a couple healthy hobbies.  See which ones bring you the most joy, then participate in them on a regular basis. 

                   Make a conscious decision to be happy.  YES, it is just that simple!

Consistency in relationships

     I must start by saying, I have no clue why God has me writing about relationships and marriage.  I feel I am probably the least qualified in this area.  Of course I am married and have been for ........11 years.  Yes I had to pause and ask my hubby how many years we have been married.  As I hang my head in shame, this is a running joke for us.  I never remember how many years we have been married or our anniversary date.  My response is always "As long as I remember we are married, then we don't have anything to worry about."  lol

     Like I was saying earlier, yes we have been married for 11 years.  Yes we have gone through many ups and downs and look forward to experiencing many more ups and MUCH less downs (in Jesus name AMEN!)  I created this blog so that I could talk about Avon and all of our wonderful products.   But, each day that I sit down to write, a topic regarding relationships is what God gives me.  Soooooo, here we go.

     When I sat down tonight to write, God reminded me of a question one of the Evangelists from my church asked on Sunday.  She asked, "What is consistent in your life?"  We were to share our response with our partner.  Of course we know that God is consistent and will never fail.  That is a given.  Other than that, what were the consistent things in our life.  Things or people that I can rely on without any doubt.  So I turned to my partner and said, "I can always rely on my husband coming home every night!  He is consistent."  She then responded with  "My husband also brings his check home with him."  We laughed, gave each other a high five and talked about a couple other consistent things about our husbands.

     Tonight I sat here thinking about that conversation and how for a moment in time we focused on our spouses consistencies instead of their inconsistencies.  It is so easy to focus on what is wrong with our spouse.  All of their imperfections have a special way of dancing on our last nerve.  If we remain blind, we will allow those moments to destroy our relationship.  No one wants to be beat up about their flaws.  We all have flaws.  Most of us are mature enough to know our flaws.......even if we might not be mature enough to confess it.  We have issues.

     We need to ask God to take the scales off our eyes so that we can see.  There are character traits or habits of your spouse that are consistent.  Their consistency in these areas are most likely what keeps you with them.  They normally outweigh the bad.  They are normally what help you fall in love with them over and over again.  Focus on those things that have worked to build a healthy relationship and family.  Time out for tearing each other apart.  The world does enough of that.  Our homes should be a safe haven where people are uplifted, encouraged and celebrated.
   
     Yes, there is a time to address issues and short comings.  There is also a tone to have these conversations in.  You two will NOT always agree and at some point you will both offend, hurt or disappoint each other.   It happens.  We are human. 

     Let's be clear for one minute.  I am not saying to over look those deal breakers.  Those UNACCEPTABLE flaws that could destroy you.  Physical and mental abuse towards you or anyone else in your home.  Infidelity, Sinful Addictions!  Bringing home a child by someone else that is younger than the number of years you have been married.  (It is scary how common this is in 2014)  These deal breakers need to be examined and discussed where there is a healthy resolve or resolution ASAP!!!

    When inconsistencies show up there are two things I challenge you to do.

     #1 Pray first!!!  Pray, pray, pray and pray again.  Continue to pray until God releases you to address the topic with your partner.  Talk to God about it.  Give the situation to him.

     #2  Until God releases you to address the situation, focus on your spouses consistencies.  Shower them with compliments regarding their consistencies.  Thank them for being consistent.  Show your gratitude for their dedication in specific areas of your relationship.   If he took out the garbage with out you having to ask, thank him for it.  If she had a meal prepared for you when you got home, show your appreciation.  Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE!

     I have learned many things from these two points.

     #1 - God can address my husband better than I ever can.  God created him and knows him better than I ever will.  He can fix any and every problem that I may be experiencing with him.  Since God knows more than me, why in the world would I try to do his job.  Get out of Gods way and let God do what needs to be done.  He will accomplish all that he said he will do in his own timing.  Not in my timing.  (You know I need the problem fixed ASAP!!! lol)  But, the manifestation will come.  Most of the time I end up not having to address the issue.  Like I said earlier, God doesn't need my help in "fixing" my husband.

     #2 - While I'm waiting for the manifestation to come, God is also "fixing" me.  My impatience is being worked on.  He is giving me a calm spirit, a praying spirit.  I can't tell on my hubby without God telling me about myself.   During those times of prayer he will hang that mirror in front of me.  There is nothing like a healthy dose of  "Stop talking about him and lets address whats wrong with you!"  OUCH!!!  Yes it hurts, but, it is very necessary in order for us to grow.

     #3 -  Appreciating my hubby for his consistencies helps keep the scales off my eyes.  Negativity will destroy your vision.  You will see what you want to see.  When you focus on their consistencies and positive traits, you will see their consistencies and positive traits.  It warms my heart towards him and reminds me why I love him.  It makes him feel like the King of my home and softens his heart towards me.

      Your spouses consistency is what made you fall in love with them.  With major help from God, focusing on their consistency is what will help keep your marriage growing strong.

Be Blessed and Love Each Other! 

Inexpensive ways to say I LOVE YOU

     Yesterdays post was about Valentines Day and we as married couples should show our love and appreciation beyond one day a year.  I received a message from a young lady (we will call her Mary) that read my post.  Mary and her husband are experiencing a difficulty in their marriage.  Nothing major, yet very major and common in most marriages.  Low Funds.  

     I don't care who you are married to and how much you currently have in your bank account.  At some point in marriage we have all experienced the dreaded Low Funds.  Some of us have even experienced No Funds.  During this time it is important that we tackle the issue of bringing more money into the home AND continue to love one another in the process.  Let's face it, when the mortgage, car note and cable bills are due and your hubby has no clue how you two are going to get the bills paid, it is easy to turn into the grinch that stole the happy marriage.  You are focused on how the bills will get paid. The financial problems of life weigh us down. As wives we are the original processors.   We process a problem until we come up with a plan of action that will eliminate it.     

     During this time it is important that you help your hubby tackle your financial issue while reminding him that you are in this together.  I don't care how big and tough your hubby is.  He wants to know you have his back and you are there for him.  You aren't going anywhere and you still love him.  

      Affection isn't just something women like.  Men love affection too.  They like to be pampered.  After a long day of doing everything he can to bring money into his home, he wants to go home and know that his hard work is appreciated.  So what can you do on a budget to show your hubby that you appreciate him?

      My hubby is a Barber that stands on his feet 6-8 hours a day.  After doing this for 6 days his puppies are normally growling at anyone that walks by.  Sending him to get a professional massage would be perfect.  But, we used to be on a tight budget and needed an inexpensive solution.   I had to say I LOVE YOU on a budget.  There are a couple inexpensive remedies for my problem. 

     The first inexpensive way to say I LOVE YOU is a product I purchased from Avon.  It is an Inflatable Foot Tub (974-819).  I was able to bring the spa to my home and soak his feet in style with this easy-to-inflate foot tub for only $3.99. 

The second inexpensive way to say I LOVE YOU is with a Foot Works 3-piece Healthy Treat Collection (594-495) I purchased from Avon.  This was created for tired, weary feet.  

The set is on sale for $6.99 and includes:
Arthritis Achy Foot & Muscle Cream - You can keep feet feeling healthy with this intensive cream that provides penetrating pain relief for sore muscles. Contains glucosamine & chondroitin to soothe arthritis pain. 2.5 fl. oz. A $6 value.
 
Deodorizing Foot Powder - This provides 24-hour odor and wetness protection. 2.6 oz. net wt. A $5 value.

Restorative Milky Foot Soak - It is enriched with milk protein and Epsom salt. 3.4 fl. oz. A $6 value.

  
       I was able to stick to a budget and bring the spa to my home for $11.  You can't beat this deal.  Now does this solve my money issue.  NOPE.  But #1 it won't hurt your money issues by adding the weight of another bill you have to pay and #2 it will make your hubby feel like a KING.  Let's face it ladies.  When you treat him like a King, he will treat you like a Queen.  No one says you can't have your spa experience right after him.  Since he is already relaxed he will probably be ready to rub your feet.  

      Mary was excited to know she could create a spa in her home for $11.  She quickly went to www.lookandbewealthy.com and purchased her Avon products last night.   She also found a couple inexpensive items on that site that helped her pamper herself.  We can do it ladies.  We don't have to spend lots of money to show our husband that we love them.  This is one of the best inexpensive remedies I use to say I LOVE YOU to my hubby.

   Tomorrow I will show you how to solve the money issue by earning $100,000 a year.  Yes I said you can make $100,000 a year with Avon.  Check tomorrows post for details.  Feel free to contact me if you can't wait until then :)

Love for your spouse goes beyond Valentines Day.

     Now that Valentines has come and gone, couples should evaluate if our celebration was out of character. Are you normally loving towards your spouse? Do you regularly celebrate and appreciate the person that committed to spend the rest of their life with you? Or, are you just two people that live together with no love, affection or communication? Your daily union should be filled with the same passion and love that you expressed yesterday. 

     Of course life gets hectic and we have many responsibilities that can pull us from our spouse. But, we must be determined to make sure our spouse feels our love and knows we are present in the relationship daily. This doesn't mean flowers, gifts and expensive dinners. Ask your spouse how their day was, then listen to their response. Hold hands or cuddle while watching tv. Pray together. Take 5 minutes out of your day, look into your wife's eyes and tell her how you appreciate her. Cook your family a meal and present your husband with his plate already prepared. 

     Is this asking for too much? You did this and more to court your spouse. It takes this and more to create a relationship that will stand the test of time. Lets make a vow to shut the mouth of the enemy that wants to make a mockery of marriage and this sacred union ordained by God. Commit to be the spouse God created you to be. It takes work, but, we can do all things through Christ that strengthens us. Plus, the perks and rewards are worth it . Be blessed!