Dealing with the loss of a loved one

     Dealing with the loss of a loved one is not something we look forward to EVER doing.  I can't sugar coat it.  To have a relationship with someone and then they are permanently removed from your life???  It is a tough cookie to swallow.  But, in the midst of our pain, we must find a way to cope.  We must find a way to allow the healing process to begin.  I recently lost my Aunt.  Her name was Alexis Yvette  Singleton.  This was one of only two aunts that I know.  I have MANY aunts, from what I've been told.  But, Aunt Yvette was one of the only two that I actually had a relationship with.  Aunt Yvette was special to me because we were close in age.  She was young and could relate to many of my adolescent and young adult issues. There was a judge free zone with her.  She was cool!  I tried to emulate her.  Her young maturity fascinated me.

     Well.........My young auntie left this earth to be with the Lord.

    I found out during church this Sunday.  I looked down at my phone and saw a message from my cousin telling me to call him asap.  Automatic panic engulfed me.   I already knew what the call was about.  They prepared me two weeks ago with what the doctors said.  But, when my cousin answered  his phone and said the words, the wind was knocked out of me.  I had to hold onto the wall so that I could remain standing.  I wanted to be strong.....I tried to be strong......I wasn't strong.  Facing the reality of what was happening threw me off the roller coaster ride that I was already on.  But, I have to put on my  "I will bless the Lord at all times." face.  My "I've got this under control" face couldn't be found ANYWHERE as my mind tried to understand what to do with myself.  Thank God for sisters that you can pass a terribly written note to during church, asking them to meet you in one of the classrooms.  I was shaking so much I could barely hold the pen.

    The main thing that I remember her saying to me as I tried to hold myself together and stop crying is "you have a right to cry."  This one sentence changed my world.   When we experience loss, we must allow ourself to grieve.  Trying to be the strong one and hold it together is only going to work for so long.  It is healthy and nature for you to cry, be angry or feel sad.  You are human.  Sometimes I am so busy trying to hold it together for everyone else, I don't allow myself to mourn.  The first thing we must remember when we experience the loss of a loved one is "Allow yourself to feel your pain".  Get it out of your system.  You may randomly break out into tears.  That is ok.  You may have a moment of anger.  That is fine.  But, allow yourself to feel!

    You should also find someone to talk to.  This doesn't have to be a professional therapist.  It could be a friend that has an ear to listen.  Connect with your support system that will carry you while you are getting yourself together.  Talk about your loved one.  Share how they have impacted your life.  Express how you will miss them.  Laugh about the good times you had with them.  A no judgement zone that will allow you to let it all out. This is important in the healing process.

    Find a way to honor them.  Honoring them will give you the opportunity to celebrate their life and bring you joy.  You can honor them be writing a song or poem.  Buying an outfit that reminds you of them.  Making a collage of your favorite pictures with them.  Leave their favorite flowers at the grave site.   Some people choose to get their life together.  The light bulb turns on and they decide they want to live a better life in honor of their loved one.  What ever you feel is your gift to their life, you do it.    It will warm your heart and make you feel better.

    The most important thing you can do while dealing with the loss of a loved one is to HOLD ON TO GOD.  While your world is spinning out of orbit and you feel you are going to fly off of it, HOLD ON TO GOD.  Allow him to comfort you.  Let his peace embrace you.  If you are holding on to God, you won't stay in the dark as long.  You will eventually pull back the curtains and open the blinds.  He will remind you why you need to keep living.  You will receive strength to leave your cave and enter the world again.  Holding onto God will allow you to smile again.

     Dealing with the loss of a loved one will never be an easy, pain free  process.  But, you will make it!   Cherish the memories you have of them, go through the process of healing and don't let go of God.

Love you Aunt Alexis Yvette Singleton!  Dance before our king!   Draw me close to you