Like I was saying earlier, yes we have been married for 11 years. Yes we have gone through many ups and downs and look forward to experiencing many more ups and MUCH less downs (in Jesus name AMEN!) I created this blog so that I could talk about Avon and all of our wonderful products. But, each day that I sit down to write, a topic regarding relationships is what God gives me. Soooooo, here we go.
When I sat down tonight to write, God reminded me of a question one of the Evangelists from my church asked on Sunday. She asked, "What is consistent in your life?" We were to share our response with our partner. Of course we know that God is consistent and will never fail. That is a given. Other than that, what were the consistent things in our life. Things or people that I can rely on without any doubt. So I turned to my partner and said, "I can always rely on my husband coming home every night! He is consistent." She then responded with "My husband also brings his check home with him." We laughed, gave each other a high five and talked about a couple other consistent things about our husbands.
Tonight I sat here thinking about that conversation and how for a moment in time we focused on our spouses consistencies instead of their inconsistencies. It is so easy to focus on what is wrong with our spouse. All of their imperfections have a special way of dancing on our last nerve. If we remain blind, we will allow those moments to destroy our relationship. No one wants to be beat up about their flaws. We all have flaws. Most of us are mature enough to know our flaws.......even if we might not be mature enough to confess it. We have issues.
We need to ask God to take the scales off our eyes so that we can see. There are character traits or habits of your spouse that are consistent. Their consistency in these areas are most likely what keeps you with them. They normally outweigh the bad. They are normally what help you fall in love with them over and over again. Focus on those things that have worked to build a healthy relationship and family. Time out for tearing each other apart. The world does enough of that. Our homes should be a safe haven where people are uplifted, encouraged and celebrated.
Yes, there is a time to address issues and short comings. There is also a tone to have these conversations in. You two will NOT always agree and at some point you will both offend, hurt or disappoint each other. It happens. We are human.
Let's be clear for one minute. I am not saying to over look those deal breakers. Those UNACCEPTABLE flaws that could destroy you. Physical and mental abuse towards you or anyone else in your home. Infidelity, Sinful Addictions! Bringing home a child by someone else that is younger than the number of years you have been married. (It is scary how common this is in 2014) These deal breakers need to be examined and discussed where there is a healthy resolve or resolution ASAP!!!
When inconsistencies show up there are two things I challenge you to do.
#1 Pray first!!! Pray, pray, pray and pray again. Continue to pray until God releases you to address the topic with your partner. Talk to God about it. Give the situation to him.
#2 Until God releases you to address the situation, focus on your spouses consistencies. Shower them with compliments regarding their consistencies. Thank them for being consistent. Show your gratitude for their dedication in specific areas of your relationship. If he took out the garbage with out you having to ask, thank him for it. If she had a meal prepared for you when you got home, show your appreciation. Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE!
I have learned many things from these two points.
#1 - God can address my husband better than I ever can. God created him and knows him better than I ever will. He can fix any and every problem that I may be experiencing with him. Since God knows more than me, why in the world would I try to do his job. Get out of Gods way and let God do what needs to be done. He will accomplish all that he said he will do in his own timing. Not in my timing. (You know I need the problem fixed ASAP!!! lol) But, the manifestation will come. Most of the time I end up not having to address the issue. Like I said earlier, God doesn't need my help in "fixing" my husband.
#2 - While I'm waiting for the manifestation to come, God is also "fixing" me. My impatience is being worked on. He is giving me a calm spirit, a praying spirit. I can't tell on my hubby without God telling me about myself. During those times of prayer he will hang that mirror in front of me. There is nothing like a healthy dose of "Stop talking about him and lets address whats wrong with you!" OUCH!!! Yes it hurts, but, it is very necessary in order for us to grow.
#3 - Appreciating my hubby for his consistencies helps keep the scales off my eyes. Negativity will destroy your vision. You will see what you want to see. When you focus on their consistencies and positive traits, you will see their consistencies and positive traits. It warms my heart towards him and reminds me why I love him. It makes him feel like the King of my home and softens his heart towards me.
Your spouses consistency is what made you fall in love with them. With major help from God, focusing on their consistency is what will help keep your marriage growing strong.
Be Blessed and Love Each Other!
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